You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
