PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize