1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
