You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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