Quick, to the slutcave!
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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