Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
