does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
