I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i used baking grease as lip gloss
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
