I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
