In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
