Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
he laminated a picture of his dick.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
