oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize