You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
