we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
