we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
