he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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