Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
