This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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