the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
