im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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