I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
it wasn't lemon gatorade
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize