When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
FUCK WHALES
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
