i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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