We're facebook friends in real life
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
