saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
