real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
