You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
