What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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