Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
