I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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