I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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