I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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