Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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