it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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