went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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