Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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