Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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