I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Randomize