omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
