But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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