Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize