its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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