Swine flu is the new snow day.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
