I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
