the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
