He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
