Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
