i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
