Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
