I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
