My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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