good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
