he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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