I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
