I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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