then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
