you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Randomize
