so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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