it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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