All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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