Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
