I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
