I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
