what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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