Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
