Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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