I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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