Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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