i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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