the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
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