So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
