well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
