Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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